When I do dress up, its more about the feel of the clothes than it is is about becoming someone else. I don't feel like I am a woman when dressed, I feel like me, just wearing women's clothing. The joy I derive from dressing up is all of the minute details that go into dressing up as a woman. Men can just throw on some clothes and be done, it takes great care in getting a female look just right. Not that women can't have a casual day with no makeup or wearing sweats. But I can do that as a man so when I do dress, I like to dress up to the nines.I love the feel of stockings over hairless legs. So part of my journey was to discover what is it like to shave off all of your body hair, and that led to what is it like to have a full body waxing. I have tried laser hair removal and electrolysis but the benefit is not worth the cost and I found it didn't really work that well. I also love the feel of a corset, basque or bra hugging your torso. Sometimes I wear breast forms sometimes I don't. I enjoy the feel of the weight of the forms in my bra. I also enjoy the feel of long fingernails and how you have to adjust how you use your smartphone to compensate for long nails. For me its all about the feel and differences of what I experience as a male.
Is there a sexual element? Certainly, although that is not all I get out out of dressing up, I do enjoy some sexual fun time when I am dressed. Over the last 20 years, I have tried quite a few things. I have kissed a man while dressed. I have sucked a male's cock, two to be exact, but one was really only one quick up and down. Neither were completed to an orgasm. It was just OK, I don't consider myself gay, but bi-curious. I do prefer women to men though.
I have not experienced penetrative sex with a man, maybe someday. But I do enjoy playing with dildo's, prostate massagers, etc. I recently purchased a Lovense Lush toy, which is blue tooth enabled. Its nice that you can set it and forget it and its not just the same repeating pattern over and over. You can download patterns that are ten minutes long. It's new and fun. I also really enjoy my Hitachi Magic Wand. The fact that I can cum without jerking my cock is remarkable to me. It takes special care to find just the right spot and if you move away just a little bit, where you were so close, you need to work back up to finding your orgasm again. This, I am guessing, is what it might be like as a female to orgasm. Whether or not that's true, all I know is that I love it.
I don't have much of an opportunity to have special playtime when dressed with other people, its mostly solo play. I have on two other occasions been able to have strap on sex with a female while I was dressed up. The first time was short I would have liked to spend more time doing it. The second time was at the end of a session with a Mistress. We spent most of the day doing a photo shoot, we tried a little light bondage and she did use a strapon on me but again it was short and she played rough. Due to time constraints, we finished up with her using a Magic Wand on me. I would definitely try strap on sex again, it just doesn't have to be a really big dildo or rough. So I enjoy toy play very much. That's about all I have to say on sex.
To indulge my desire to dress up I was gifted an eight week class in the art of burlesque. That was about seven years ago and I have been doing it ever since. I have made many friends and it allows me to dress up to attend shows and perform in them. The burlesque community is very LGBTQ friendly and open. I mostly perform in group numbers, I am not a strong dancer. But I enjoy costuming, getting together with my girlfriends for dance practice and performing. We even travel together to shows together and have hopes of getting an invite to out of town shows to perform our acts.
So, in short, I am pretty comfortable just being me. Whether that is a male, or dressed as a female. I go by my male name or Becky or Velveeta (my stage name) comfortably. I can wear women's clothes around other people somewhat comfortably. For instance at dress rehearsal, I will not do full make or an all over shave and I can stand around in a bra and panties talking with my burlesque friends. But my preference would be to go all out, which I will do for the performance.
I also love to take photos and video of myself trying to get a pose just right so I can appear as feminine as possible. Most of the time I realize I look like a man in a dress, but every now and then I can capture a nice female look.
One last thing about "Forced" feminization. For me its not really forced, because I like it. I do enjoy the concept and will read or write short stories about it but ultimately I just like dressing up too much to be able to talk myself into believing I am forced to wear or behave as a female.
There are times, when dressing alone, that I have to "force" myself to go out into the real world. It can be uncomfortable, people staring or the comments behind your back, But I haven't been in any bad situations when dressed alone. You need to pick your outings and locations carefully. But when I do go out to shows with my friends while dressed up I feel very comfortable. I can focus on being with my friends versus ignoring the general public around me.
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